After 30 Years of Wrongful Incarceration, Perry Lott Is Ready to Love Again

“There’s just so much you don’t know when you’re in that place because life just keeps on moving when you’re just stagnant,” he said. 

Kyana Champion, a social worker at the Innocence Project, has seen many clients, like Mr. Lott, experience what she describes as a grief process. 

“You go in as a young person that has this idea of what life would be like for them and the things that they want out of life. But then you find yourself incarcerated for decades. And, although you have your freedom, you may not be able to fulfill those things to have your life look the way you wanted it to be,” Ms. Champion said. 

Grief is not the only emotional toll of incarceration. Many people who have been incarcerated will disconnect from their emotions as a means of survival.

“In prison, some of the most important parts of yourself aren’t used. You can’t be affectionate. You can’t be vulnerable. You can’t be over caring. You can’t be gentle. Because the environment doesn’t allow that,” said Rodney Roberts, the re-entry coach at the Innocence Project. 

Mr. Roberts speaks from first hand experience. He served 18 years in prison after pleading guilty to a crime he did not commit. He said he was able to navigate that vulnerability and maintain a healthy relationship with his current girlfriend by loving himself first. 

“I’ve bought myself Valentine’s Day gifts. I’ve bought myself flowers. Even to get to that point is a struggle. Once that is achieved, life becomes much easier to deal with because you feel like you don’t have to have this front up to ward people off,” Mr. Roberts said.   

For Mr. Lott, his self love is anchored in his faith. 

“You never know how wonderful God is until he’s all you got,” he said. “That is a love I’m sure of.”

Mr. Lott is an active member of his church, where he’s embraced life experiences he missed out on while incarcerated, like raising children. 

“I have a church family and I have a hundred children that I can father and the parents allow me to give them that fatherly advice, to hold their babies and love them,” he said. “It’s like being a parent, so that fulfills my needs.”

Mr. Lott’s meaningful connections also include the people he works with at Oklahoma City Metro Alliance’s alternative to jail program, his close group of friends, and the young adults he mentors.

“I like to keep these young men encouraged because I used to be one of them,” he said. 

Still, while Mr. Lott doesn’t want to force a relationship, he hopes to share his life with a romantic partner.

“I’ve come through a lot of things. And after all of those victories, I would hate to pass away not having any of that mean anything to anyone.”